…and this year’s prom queen is…
minnesota = the vikings, prince and the replacements. i have a weird love affair with this purple city. i’m convinced i lived here in a past life. anyway, this was the second time i have ever been in minnesota and it was way too brief of a stay. hmmm the ascot room was the club formerly known as glam slam… kind of cool but their stage made me feel like i was playing at a high school prom. it would have been better if all the bartenders and security were wearing ascots – that theme might have made it cooler. i thought detroit was the loudest smallest crowd on the tour but minneapolis was way more intense. i think 150 people were on hand for the festivities. again, i thought we put on yet another hot show. mariqueen was going crazy during our new song. i mean she was jumpin around like a swahili princess with ants in her pants. it was some of the most tribal dancing i have seen in a very long time. i had trouble getting my mind into the first few songs but hit a groove during monterey. the crowd was extremely insipiring – i mean really really really great. so great that i think it’s a must to make a trip back to minneapolis asap. minnesota made me feel so good about our band, our live show, and our musical mission. the minnesota enthusiasm made my night – we really do need to get back here fast cos these people are genuine music fans that wont soon be forgotten.
The City: minnesota, home of fran’s favorite football team. that’s as far as i know about the city. that and you are all supposed to have funny accents a la bobby’s mom in that short lived, cute little cartoon series, “bobby’s world”. “oooh babby, doon cha knoo…” so like, minnesota would be pronounced meenehsoootuh. kinda cute. sort of. we rode into the city from st. paul with mandy from kcmp. the big bummer was that it started to rain so i was a little scared that i was going to get sick. aw, how dope would it have been if the rain had been purple? we played in a groovy part of town. we always do… we always play in cool parts of each city and then i don’t get to explore it. whack. whack. hella whack. yeah that’s right, i’m from south orange county and i say hella. get into it. i actually contemplated moving to minnesota for a minute after i saw the nice, clean city and what seemed to be super posh lofts. again, my minneapolis brethren… two thumbs up. here’s what i didn’t expect… we drove past the mississippi river and it looked like chocolate fudge. hmmm…
The Venue: apparently the ascot room was once owned by prince and was called glam slam. this explains the interior design. it was beautiful and over the top but it was a lot smaller than i had expected, which, incidently, perfectly describes prince. there was a water fountain in the middle of the room and signs all over the place that said, “no guns allowed in the ascot room”. interesting. the stage was kind of ghetto though… ratty ass carpet on what seemed to be a portable little deck. this stage semmed more befitting for a banquet than a performance. i seem to encounter a lot of stages like that on this tour. weird. it didn’t matter though because it was perfect for the weather and my ensemble and the whole vibe in my head for that evening.
The Show: oh man, this was the first time i had ever played in my chuck taylors and let me just tell you… best decision of my life. i jumped, i stomped all over the stage and apparently did what fran calls, the “jungle boogie” and channeled tina turner. psh, dude listen, if i could’ve, i would’ve cartwheeled all over that bitch. he’s just jealous that i can dance and he can’t. this was the most unprepared i had ever been for a show. i didn’t warm up my voice, i ate a heavy meal prior to singing, i didn’t get a chance to deuce at the venue because i thought it was kind of a gross bathroom, and i wasn’t even dressed properly. but you know what? it didn’t matter. i gave this show an eight out of ten because it was the most fun i’ve had performing on this whole tour.
What Were You Thinking While Playing: “i can’t stop burping” “i wonder if mark can smell them?” “holy shit, this is fuuunnn…” “if i dance any harder i’m going to fall over” “i hope i fall over… that would be amazing” “ahahahaha weeeeeooo!”
Interesting Things After The Show: i met a woman named “karen”, who i swear, was frances mcdormand’s doppelganger. what a cool and free spirit. hey “karen” you are a very down ass little lady… it was nice chatting with you. after everything was packed up, the jaeger crew got to do what they do best… but then, a bit of a heartbreaking moment… we had to say goodbye to our beloved lewscious because he decided that he was going to be a douche and tour bus it to vancouver. so fran, tommy and i got in the suburban and drove off on the 94 west. we drove, we peed in the middle of an abandoned gas station, we laughed, we danced in the car, we sang, we counted cash and fanned each other with it, we played radio games and then peed in dark and scary corn fields. we even bit the bullet and stopped at a mcdonald’s to eat… so gross. an suv of idiots behind us in line, thought that fran and tommy had vaginas and kept yelling, “i love california girls! whoo!” along with other small minded frat boyish nonsense and were honking at the suburban over and over again as we were waiting for our shitty food in the shitty drive thru in this shitty town. so shitty. we escaped without having to hospitalize anyone and ended up at a really awesome best western inn somewhere in fergus falls. in celebration of my fantastic room, i decided to dip into the magical world wide web and i finally washed my hair again. i know, i know… i live life on the edge… get used to it, people.
Minneapolis preview– amusing anecdote number 23 of the tour– The tour bus has cargo bay’s underneath it where equipment is stored. Its where I’ve been leaving my bag, because space is limited inside the bus. In one of the bay’s there is a big trash can. Late last night the cargo bay was pretty full, so i pushed that trash can deeper inside to make room for my duffel bag. What I didn’t realize is that when you throw trash away in the bus, it goes down a chute that drops it right on the trash can. Because my duffel bag was where the trash can normally sits, this morning it was covered in carrots, cigarette butts, assorted trash, food, you name it! Learned a valuable lesson today on the many functions of the tour bus.
So we played at a club called the Ascot here in Minneapolis. Is that Prince’s club? Anybody from many apples let me know, I’m a bit curious about that. Anyway, the decor inside the club was amazing. The place looked like a medieval courtyard, with faux stained glass windows, fake plants and vines everywhere, and a huge indoor fountain! Disneyland mixed with a pagan temple mixed with a porno film set. . . It was great, I think our next show should be a mandatory toga party. What do you say Minneapolis? The crew was really cool there as well, helping us carry the massive amount of gear we have.
On to the show– what can I say? I loved Minneapolis, the crowd was really cool, really receptive, and its a beatiful city from the little I saw of it. I actually ate at the same restaurant for 3 times!– that’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I forgot the name of the place, it was Italian and needless to say, very tasty. I noticed a disproportionate amount of people with tatoos, piercings, crazy haircuts, etc. Minneopolis has a secret. Its a really cool town, I have a feeling there is a really cool scene happening. I can feel it. Maybe its a secret. I’m bad at keeping secrets.
robb and mike keepin’ it real – 2 thumbs up